Well the good news is that last Friday I went to the doctor and I'm now 5lbs down. Too bad there is so much left to lose. I also got a prescription for Chantix. My goal is to stop smoking by the 21st of May. That is my firm quit date. But already I can tell that cigarettes are not the same as they used to be. I'm not sure the exact science behind Chantix but I hear from others that it does work. The one thing I keep reading about is mood swings and lots of weight gain. Let's cross our fingers that neither happens. Things are already stressed enough around here without it.
My daughter leaves for Duke for her summer program in 31 days. How do I know this? She has it written in purple magic marker on my calendar. I don't know why I keep the thing because the girls wind up writing on it more than I do. But I have to keep it for work.
I am noticing one side effect to a new medication I am on. I sleep okay now but it is VERY hard for me to wake up and shake the fog in the morning. My body does not feel tired but my head and eyes do. This is a major pain in the butt for me because typically I'm a morning person. So tonight I'm going to try taking the Geodon with my dinner and then seeing how it affects me in the morning. Okay enough goofing off...these articles do not write themselves. If they did I'd have it made. :)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
So far so good.
So this whole diet thing, or rather a lifestyle change, has been okay so far. I'm staying away from sodas. I drink tea with the pink packs. My coffee is the same way. I cannot give up caffeine so that is completely out of the question. I'm trying to work in some exercise every single day even if it's only 15 minutes on my Gazelle Freestyle. Which by the way is very comfortable to use and you really do feel it after a while.
This lifestyle change is more than just about the weight though. It's about how I perceive myself. I don't have a lot of self confidence. In fact my self confidence is pretty much at an all time low right now. I'm working to bring that up. Because how can anyone else find me attractive if I do not find myself attractive. The next stage of my transformation will be to stop working in PJ's all the time. Okay...okay...I don't work in PJ's but I do work in natty old t-shirts and shorts. Those are fine every now and again but I need to start dressing to make myself feel better.
Speaking of feeling better, I do have to say there is nothing quite like an ex to put you into perspective. It does go to show that even though you have moved on in your life and changed, emotionally and mentally, they may not have changed much. Breaking up with someone is hard. If someone tells you they had a good breakup it meant that they didn't really mean that much to each other in the first place. It is the honest truth. And sometimes you just can't reconcile until both of you reach the same place. Women tend to reach those places first because, well, we're superior but that is a different blog. Men tend to stay in their own ruts. They develop the frat boy mentality at first and before long they are set. They do not want to break out of those set pattens and often find themselves still clinging to the past bitterness. I have to be honest and say that there are some women that do that. Clearly not moi. For I am not that way, no way do I stay in a rut. HA!
So maybe time moves on, people change and you find yourself in a brand new place in life. It doesn't have to be a bad place though. It can be a good place. It is a place where you work on who you want to be. It is a place where you try to find the good inside and let it shine. I'm not sure if this whole Positive Thinking/Universal Abundance thing is actually true or not but it certainly never hurts to think positive thoughts. Just remember...you cannot succeed unless you try!
My recommendation for you today is the book "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now" by Dr. Gordon Livingston.
This lifestyle change is more than just about the weight though. It's about how I perceive myself. I don't have a lot of self confidence. In fact my self confidence is pretty much at an all time low right now. I'm working to bring that up. Because how can anyone else find me attractive if I do not find myself attractive. The next stage of my transformation will be to stop working in PJ's all the time. Okay...okay...I don't work in PJ's but I do work in natty old t-shirts and shorts. Those are fine every now and again but I need to start dressing to make myself feel better.
Speaking of feeling better, I do have to say there is nothing quite like an ex to put you into perspective. It does go to show that even though you have moved on in your life and changed, emotionally and mentally, they may not have changed much. Breaking up with someone is hard. If someone tells you they had a good breakup it meant that they didn't really mean that much to each other in the first place. It is the honest truth. And sometimes you just can't reconcile until both of you reach the same place. Women tend to reach those places first because, well, we're superior but that is a different blog. Men tend to stay in their own ruts. They develop the frat boy mentality at first and before long they are set. They do not want to break out of those set pattens and often find themselves still clinging to the past bitterness. I have to be honest and say that there are some women that do that. Clearly not moi. For I am not that way, no way do I stay in a rut. HA!
So maybe time moves on, people change and you find yourself in a brand new place in life. It doesn't have to be a bad place though. It can be a good place. It is a place where you work on who you want to be. It is a place where you try to find the good inside and let it shine. I'm not sure if this whole Positive Thinking/Universal Abundance thing is actually true or not but it certainly never hurts to think positive thoughts. Just remember...you cannot succeed unless you try!
My recommendation for you today is the book "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now" by Dr. Gordon Livingston.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A brand new day
Well, today is day two of the diet and exercise plan. I think I failed in the diet plan yesterday because I only ate once. I did try a new diet spray that is supposed to curb your appetite and give you energy. I don't know what is in it but it did boost my energy and it definitely curbed my appetite. It was also very sweet. I'll try it again in a bit. The directions are to spray it beneath your tongue fifteen minutes prior to eating. So I'll give it a shot. Most diet pills and such give me a massive headache but this one didn't.
Yesterday was a day for trying to move forward into the future. The night before I really was feeling the pain of a lost love. So I wrote down what I wanted to say to him. I don't know if I ever really meant to mail it but at the last moment yesterday I sent it to him in an email. I laid myself bare for him. I've never been that deep and honest with any guy or any one...ever. I've changed a lot since our relationship ended. I'm not the person that I was then and I want him to see that. I hope he is a different person as well. I wasn't asking him to continue on with the past relationship and just pick up where we left off. No, I was asking to start fresh because obviously the old way just was not going to work. It required us both changing and being able to admit that we were flawed.
It is hard to make those type of fundamental changes but I hope that he sees that I have. I hope he has as well because I want the possibility of a future with him. I want to see where our grand adventure together can take us. We are okay apart but I know that we are incredible together. He is the only ex from my past that I've ever felt that way about. Not a day has gone by when I didn't rue what had happened.
I've read that if you truly believe in the positive aspects of something you desire, that the Universe will grant them to you. I believe that sometimes you have to walk through Hell to get to the place you need to be. I know that the last seven months have been hell for me. I want to know that there is something positive from it all. Yes, I'm a stronger more caring person but I also want some relief. He is like an oasis to me. He makes me laugh and calms me. I have always enjoyed talking with him. So maybe, just maybe if I believe hard enough, pray hard enough and think positively...this will be the thing that comes through for me.
Yesterday was a day for trying to move forward into the future. The night before I really was feeling the pain of a lost love. So I wrote down what I wanted to say to him. I don't know if I ever really meant to mail it but at the last moment yesterday I sent it to him in an email. I laid myself bare for him. I've never been that deep and honest with any guy or any one...ever. I've changed a lot since our relationship ended. I'm not the person that I was then and I want him to see that. I hope he is a different person as well. I wasn't asking him to continue on with the past relationship and just pick up where we left off. No, I was asking to start fresh because obviously the old way just was not going to work. It required us both changing and being able to admit that we were flawed.
It is hard to make those type of fundamental changes but I hope that he sees that I have. I hope he has as well because I want the possibility of a future with him. I want to see where our grand adventure together can take us. We are okay apart but I know that we are incredible together. He is the only ex from my past that I've ever felt that way about. Not a day has gone by when I didn't rue what had happened.
I've read that if you truly believe in the positive aspects of something you desire, that the Universe will grant them to you. I believe that sometimes you have to walk through Hell to get to the place you need to be. I know that the last seven months have been hell for me. I want to know that there is something positive from it all. Yes, I'm a stronger more caring person but I also want some relief. He is like an oasis to me. He makes me laugh and calms me. I have always enjoyed talking with him. So maybe, just maybe if I believe hard enough, pray hard enough and think positively...this will be the thing that comes through for me.
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