Patience may be a virtue but it takes quite a lot to make it through the day

I'm feeling quite sad and upset today. Why? It is because I think I am losing my daughter. My oldest daughter for the last year or so has become very moody and temperamental. Yes, I do realize it is hormones and just that age but I often feel that I cannot handle it. She is the one person on the planet that knows how to push every single one of my buttons. And she does it quite frequently. For her it is nothing to come home in a bad mood and take it out on me and her younger sister. Her sister is only a year younger but she isn't this way.

I just do not know what to do. I don't know what to say. If I tell her to do something then she gets angry and starts bitching. Here is an example: this evening I bought her Avatar because she has been eagerly looking forward to seeing it. I told her that before we could watch it all together that we would have to clean. She would do the kitchen and Maesin would do the laundry room and clean up puppy messes. I decided to help Kennedy, the oldest, out by washing most of the dishes. All she had was four pots and pans to wash. She started throwing a fit and bitching that if I was going to do it...I should do it all. I didn't even have to help her but I did. She kept going on and on about it. Four freaking pots and pans.

Everytime she would do one thing she would keep asking if she could start the movie. She didn't care that the rest of us may want to watch it or that Maesin and I were still busy. So then she started griping about dinner. She claims that she was asking me if I needed her to start dinner but what she was really saying was "You cook dinner and I want to watch the movie because I can't do both."

When the oil overflowed she had to pause the movie to come help. But was constantly asking about going back to the movie. I finally just snapped and told her to get away from me. It was the only thing that I could do.

How am I supposed to handle this. How am I supposed to cope with her tantrums and fits? If it is not one thing then it is another. Nothing is ever good enough for her anymore. I work from 7:30 until about 5:00 everyday and still do all the housework now because when she comes home from her after school job at my sister's business, she refuses to do anything. I just don't know what to do. I feel like breaking down and crying. Is this normal? She won't even tell me thank you or that she loves me anymore. It feels like I have lost my daughter. If my youngest daughter loves on me or tells me she loves me...Kennedy calls her a butt kisser and a baby.

I know there has to be a better way to do this. I can't keep handling this. I can try grounding her but that does not change her attitude. How can I make her see that she is hurting me? How can I teach her that all of us have responsibilities and it is not just her. It's as if the entire world revolves around her and if you do not cater to her every whim then you are causing her untold grief. I don't care if she doesn't like me much at times but she should still respect me and love me. And that is something I am just afraid that she does not.